I’m David Bolding. I have a large heart that cares for many different people. Often times I will watch and ponder different things. I am an IT person by trade, and yes, I blog for IT. Check out “The Random Admin” for more IT-related blogs. This blog is different than my random admin blog. This blog will be about my mental health journey and the many steps I have taken over the years. This blog will contain tricks, tips, and discoveries in my personal life. The goal of this blog is to get my recovery out of my head for others to see. This blog is not designed to boost me up. This blog is designed to show the human side of things. I will be getting real here. Real is painful, and very triggering for people. I have seen many things and been through many things. The idea is that you don’t follow in my footsteps. Death isn’t always an option.

You may see some artwork, some poems, and some randomness as well. As I said, this blog is to get things out of my head and down somewhere where I can be held accountable. I hope you enjoy the journey with me.

My story Overview

I was born in a simple lower middle-class home. My father was a huge star trek fan. My mother was a good old Southern who worked at Bilo. I was the third child of four. I was the middle child of the boys. We all were nerdy in our own rights. I grew up watching dragon ball z, star trek, dr who, stargate, reboot, and more. When I was born, I was born deaf. My parents discovered I was deaf when I was around 1 and half when mom dropped pots and pans behind me and I didn’t move. I started hearing around 2 to 3 years old. I remember my first sound, the intercom at the doctor’s office. This left me with dyslexia which persists into my adult life. As a child, my mother was very aggressive. She soften her approach when I was around 9. She switched to guilting and shame for control. My father was absent for my early childhood as He was focused on my brothers and sister. It wasn’t until I was 9 did he start spending time with me. He would watch shows with us and we would talk about them.

At the age of 9, I accepted Jesus Christ as my higher power. At that time I didn’t fully understand the depth of this choice, but I knew the choice. After the age of 9, I started knowing and understanding things beyond my age range. I started seeing things and more that didn’t make sense. I was told to ignore these things and at some point, I choose not to see and know. I wasn’t the average teen, but at the same time, I was. As I often tell people, I was born too soon. I was a big anime nerd. I loved playing Yu-Gi-Oh and played in competitions. While being a nerd, I was also big into the JROTC program. High school is where I started my first job as a janitor at a local middle school. The lead was like a second dad.

After high school, I went to Greenville technical college. I wanted to go into message therapy because I believed I knew the human body well. I did, but I wasn’t meant to be a massage therapist. While at Greenville technical college, I applied for the army. I was denied. This was back in 2003. I was denied because of my back and my learning disabilities. So, instead, I started working at the middle school full-time and working at a retail store. This was an awkward time in my life. I started dating. My first girlfriend joined the army, my second girlfriend encouraged me to move out. I almost married her. It was around this time I started having panic attacks and didn’t know what was going on. My first one was when I was at my sister’s house when I was house-sitting.

After we broke up, I spent time jumping from small relationships until I landed on yahoo chat. This is where I met my wife. Her name was Susan. We made a connection, unlike other connections. We were both tired of failed relationships. It was time to find more. After 6 months, we married. She moved to my home town. Some of her friends from her town needed a place to stay and they stayed with us. We connected with their kids and it was fun until it wasn’t. They were forced to move back to their hometowns which left her alone in a strange place. Seeing this, we moved to her hometown.

While living in her hometown, my anxiety grew. My shame grew and my isolation grew. We went through many trails while there. My mental health became worse and worse each day. We both started college. After a few years, we moved back to my hometown. This is where we both finished our college degrees. While finishing my degree I worked in a retail store and at the college. After this, I shifted to a local blood bank in their IT department. Our Daughter was born in 2014. A year later, my father passed. Then my mother. My son was born in 2016.

This is when My life took a turn. CPTSD showed up and knocked me down. My world changed. The reason for the panic attacks became clear as day.

This blog is designed to help you grow like I have been growing for the past 6 years. My prayer for you is to come to an understanding of yourself and discover your authentic self.